About Me · Writing

An ex-almost…

almost

No, we didn’t date. Technically he wasn’t an ex-boyfriend. But he was an ex-something, an ex-maybe. An ex-almost.” 

He used to tell her everything. From his crappy morning to where he’d go to bed and why he can’t fall asleep. They used to laugh at every funny joke he loved to tell and at all the crazy things he always did. He was sweet. He was stubborn. He wasn’t the nicest person in the world but he can be at times.

He was a guy who once confused my feelings.

She always knew he wanted them to get closer but she wasn’t ready. They were friends, she though that was enough. They enjoyed each other’s company and they were happy. She knew in herself that she never hinted him that she wanted to get their friendship to the next level (she was even verbal with it) but as they spent more time together they grew closer and closer. She never said she didn’t like him, she did because he was a good guy, a bit difficult at times and super flirty but an okay guy nonetheless. She thought they clicked because she was a bit crazy like him and they had the same circle of friends in school.

Sometimes she tried turning down his offers of eating out or accompanying him somewhere but he was persistent. He had his ways of always making sure she said yes. Days went by and she was feeling more and more uncomfortable with their friendship because he started asking her (in texts and chats) more personal things about relationships and stuff. It was when things between them started getting awkward because she knew that sooner or later he’d eventually ask the can we be more than friends? question. They would see each other in the morning but not talk about the stuff they’d talked about the night before which just made everything worse. It was really awkward that their friends have started asking questions. Of course, she told them everything and that was when they started teasing them. Well, that’s what friends are for, right?

Until he finally asked her. He dropped the I like you. Can we be more than friends? speech and she gave him the Can you wait? Because I’m still not ready… speech. It worked just fine because the following days they were back to their old selves. And in the following weeks he started to confuse her feelings. That was when she decided to finally give him a chance. She was ready.

I was ready but he’d already moved on.

She never told him but she was kinda falling for him. She also didn’t tell him about the decision she made because she wanted to see if he would actually wait until she was ready. He told her he would and a part of her actually hoped he would. But one of her problems with him was that he was extra friendly with girls. She wasn’t the jealous type but people were saying bad things about his being flirty with girls and she saw that herself. It was also one of the reasons why at first she didn’t want them to be more than friends. It’d been four months since he asked her and things between them were fine if not great. They still spent time together just eating, laughing and having fun all the the time. They would see each other in the morning, text at night and tease each other all the chance they got. Things were working out for them. Another month passed and she was ready to tell him. She was excited, if you believe it. 

 Until she found out about this other girl. Maybe it was her fault for making him wait too long. Maybe it was her fault for not telling him sooner. Maybe. But that moment she was more relieved than angry because then she knew it was right that she didn’t tell him her feelings right away. Then she knew he couldn’t wait. Or maybe he wasn’t really planning to. Who knew? She was hurt, of course. And she would be lying if she tells you that she didn’t expect him to find another girl while he’d been telling her that he liked her because she did. Deep inside her she knew he was that kind of guy but somehow she was hoping, and praying, he wouldn’t do that to her. Turned out, he already had. Because while she was falling for him, he’d already moved on to the next girl

 He was a friend who was an ex-almost.

They drifted apart after a while and she can’t believe he just stopped texting her. She was mad because he could’ve at least told her that he can’t wait anymore and be man enough to tell her he liked another girl. She would’ve forgiven him if he was honest to her and blamed her for making him wait too long because then she’d understand it was her fault. But to just leave and not say anything was a jerk move. Because all those times he was acting like he still liked her but in truth he was already making a move to another girl. It was like one day he was confessing his love to her but the next all his feelings were gone and he didn’t know her anymore.

She was pissed because she should’ve known. She shouldn’t have let her feelings get the best of her because she knew the guy! He was her friend and she knew him. But the funny part was she really hoped he would change for her. That was foolish, she knew, but you can’t blame her for hoping. He was her friend after all. The guy who was an ex-almost.

 (8-25-15 /8-21-16/10-17-16)

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